Thank you, Alissa, for beginning this much need Blog! Thank you to all that have replied. Thank you, MOD'S for The Forum.
My name is Judy aka Contessa here since 2008. As in real life, I find myself examining the other side of the coin as feel I must here, regardless of any backlash. Everything people have said is well worth being said. Not, that I am a judge. That brings me to this, victims, of bullies, can become carried away with anger, self-righteousness, revenge. I feel free to speak to this because there have been times in the past I have fallen into this Rage-alcoholic Trap as well. I did so, thinking I was a Warrior for peace, justice and, The Right FlyOrDie WaY... a protector of the weak, that was to shy, mortified, afraid to speak for themselves. I got completely carried away with other anger-freaks in our Lobby believing with all my heart it was for the best. "The good can be the enemy of the best." When this happens anywhere, and, after looking at my motives, I've concluded that it can turn into gang mentality. This phenomenon especially can happen behind internet screens. It's been painful to the extreme to me to watch, to read, I learned the hard way to step back, take a breathe, use restraint of tongue and pen...get centered, not buy into it. Not allow any negativity to rent space in my head! I've seen even people travel from table to table, from person to person gathering allies, to humiliate, ostracize, hurt them at least as badly as they have been hurt. Which, I may add, was vicious way beyond reason from that horrendous bully!!! These are fine and decent people! I care deeply for them. They're doing what they feel and think is the correct and perhaps, the only thing left for them to do! It's just that, I do not. Maybe I am wrong. I often am. Did some research on it. This one, for me, this says a lot about 'gang mentality,' and, hoping that it is not too harsh. I've been forced to look at both sides, of these kinds of situations. Things can get out of hand, it seems, similar to this...“ collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd.” To me, it means, anger produced more anger...and/or whatever the leader and/or leaders of the herd wants...feels is needed. The current events of the last 3-4 weeks in F.O.D. Reversi, sad to say are by no means new. We old-timers here, have seen many, many decent, funny, good, and, some excellent players leave here and never return because of the public humiliation, harassment, verbal abuse, angry words, relentless Bullies, being called cheats, lack of good sportsmanship, and, worst of all, men stalking women!!!! Coming into their games, saying the most disgusting words, trolling them, threatening, their families, slandering...being as nasty as filthy as can be! I know this well, for, it has happened to me often on and off here! It has been my experience to handle them as individuals. Many are simply pathetic, lost souls, bored, kids, or whatever else is out there. Upon reflection, examination of my motives, discussion with friends, professionals, research, Othello Internet Gaming experience since 1999, I've concluded I need to live and let live. If I can help a tortured soul, an alcoholic, drug addict, suicidal nut that lashes out to others rather than killing themselves...(which, can happen)...a mentally ill person, for example, might be an old friend, that once was a very good person, excellent Othello player, delightfully funny, made us all laugh and, we looked forward to them being there with us. Yet, something inside them must have broken. They became the opposite of what they once were. Seen this happen a few times It is heart-wrenching!! It's my nature to give them my all, against all odds, until I see it's impossible to do anything, and, despite being unpopular with some... and ear to listen to and my 2 cents. Even risking the loss of friendships! What else can one do, except go with the language of one's heart. Recently even read some say, "Anyone that a friend of," so-and-so," is not a friend of mine." This comes from a place I profoundly get! I am not judging! Not at all. I have my own horror stories of barbarous times I suffered. Guess, I'm sayin' trying to help with many friends to keep the peace, the humor, the light-heartedness, the unity, the love and fun of our beloved game and, Her people is paramount to me. I work to do so in the background as well. We the higher grounded people here, by far outnumber the mean ones. Methinks, we need not sink to their level to get rid of them. "kill them with kindness." Hm. If talking doesn't work, as has been said, our MUTE Button is effective. So, one see's a bad word or two. Maybe toughen up?! The worse one can do with these savages is to ignore them. They thrive on attention of any kind! Eventually, they move on. The Report Option in our Profiles, as has been aforementioned can be effective. -Last night I heard a friend that was going to write here about what he heard a friend told him about a BULLY! That person was not here to witness it! It would have been hearsay!!! This is the kind of thing, I worry about. We needn't jump to conclusions. I get it again...been there, done it too. Had to give up on helping some as lost causes because they didn't have the desire to change...just let them go, for peace of mind! There is another way people like myself are harassed that hasn't been discussed. There are Guests Etc. that send out game invitations nauseam !! ! Designed to be mean, especially, when chatting. Subscribers, such as myself have it easy. We can use the DND Button, like a Hotel. The Do Not Disturb Button works wonders, in my hopefully humble opinion , the FlyOrDie Subscriptions are very affordable. Boiling down to about $1.60 a month annually. Besides, it helps us all! A SHOUT-OUT to all of our Moderators! They do take us seriously. They are on the job! They have our backs. hmmmm...we may not see that, we may not be aware of it, but, it is so!! If, nothing else, this I know. When I see a character defect in someone that I dislike, it inevitably is because I have the same one in me! When I am in EGO, judging others, gossiping in a way that is character assassination, when I point a finger at someone, three fingers point back to me. Let's please find a middle ground for everyone. Heard this long ago,from a very wise World Othello Champion," We Othello Addicts, are mostly, brilliant, somewhat odd, freethinkers, and occasionally immature times!?!" I believe in us! We can do this in an intelligent, useful, compassionate, loving, yet firm way. To stand up against the dark and evil forces that try to divide us! It too is what they want! Yes? Yes. Please let's not give them that satisfaction. To quote Michelle Obama, " When they go low, we go high!
With love and service, Judy
